Wisdom?

Ughh.

I was in study skills on Friday and I was slightly annoyed about the day. Well, I guess not about it, but I was annoyed all the same. The guy sitting across from me wasn't helpin' me feel good about it then, either. So he looked at me and poked me and bothered me until I finally looked up at him, and I gave him a look that expressed my annoyance towards him. He then gave me a WTF look and said, "Did I really deserve that, seriously?"
Without thinking, I responded, "Nobody deserves anything, really. If you think about it..."
I wasn't sure what to think after I said that. But after thinking about it for a few minutes, it made sense...
Maybe we're not supposed expect things because we deserve them. Deserving something may mean more than we think.
Maybe that's just me thinking that I don't deserve anything. I'm not perfect. I'm not even that great in my opinion. And yet I've got the best friends imaginable. People should be jealous of the kind of friendships I've developed. My friends and I never fight. Not even over stupid things. If we have a problem, we confront eachother and talk it out. There's no need to add to the amount of drama my shit of a school has. And we all like eachother. There isn't anyone secretly hating another. Sure, jealousies run throughout, but we are more happy for eachother than jealous of the things we have. But I cut them all off for nine and a half months last year. Except for Den. I met him formally this school year, and I'm happy I did. But how could I have ever possibly gotten them back?
I trust them. The three girls and the three boys I have. I can tell them anything and they will help me. And for that I am grateful. But I have always felt that I don't deserve this good fortune. I don't deserve these beautiful people as friends. What have I done in my life to get to where I am today? I can't say I'm happy, that's for sure, but I don't think I will ever feel fully happy again anytime soon.
That's not to say, though, that I am not satisfied with where I am at. I'm blessed to have my Twin, my Blondie and my Zebra. My girls. And among them, I am the Giraffe. I am also blessed to have my Texan, my Den and my Sam. My boys.

My Twin is the image of me.
My Blondie is the personality I lack.
My Zebra is the bite I lack.
My Texan is the light in my dark.
My Den is where I feel safe.
My Sam is my dream from afar.

Together, they helped me learn to love and receive it in return. Even when my life came to a screeching hault last August.

And honestly, I don't deseve them. Without them there to pick me up and help me get back to my feet to walk unsteadily through life, I would be nothing.

I'd be invisible, even if I didn't want to be.

Well

Here I am. Blogging...Finally.

I had an old blog, but I got rid of all of the stuff off of it. I got bored of it.

But I guess I'm here just to post some of my writing and thoughts. Honestly, I don't care if anyone reads this or not.

But anyway, I have to get ready for school now.

So for now, farewell.