Letter Four

Dear _________,

I don't know what's wrong with me. But I wish somebody would cut out my eyes, because then I would stop staring at you like the idiot I am.

And seriously, I STILL haven't gotten the courage to go up and talk to you.

I mean, really? It's like, I see you sitting there, by yourself, at the end of class before the bell rings. And I'm sitting by myself...and yet...I can't just walk up to you and say, "Hi. How're you?" or "What's up?".

WHY?!

It bugs me that I'm so shy. It's terrible how shy I am, really. And I'm worried about going off to college and not being able to talk to people...

I don't want to say I like you, because I've never even talked to you. But at the same time, it's like I feel this attraction to you, and I don't know what it is. I haven't felt this obsessive over something as simple as talking to you. I think it would be easy...but I wouldn't know, would I?

I noticed you were looking at me the other day when we were writing those "Who I Am Makes a Difference" cards. I want to know why. I wanted to write one about you, but I would be too embarrassed to give you the card we were supposed to give to the person we wrote about. I would've let you know that I liked your smile. Thank goodness you'll never find this out.

And the thing is...If I did get the chance to talk to you, I don't know what I'd say. In fact, I think I'd rather just let you talk. Yeah...I'd rather listen.

This is so weird...

I can't stop thinking about you...And trying to find you in every crowd I see...What's wrong with me?

Do you even know?

Sammy

Letter Three

Dear __________,

Well...I decided to do this letter to you now because tomorrow would've been a year and a half together. But you've probably forgotten that. And your birthday is a week from today. You'll be eighteen. But I don't have a lot to say to you.

It was hard for me to get over you. I mean, REALLY hard. It took me a long time, and it's mostly because you dropped me like a hot potato.

I don't know what to believe of what you said. Most of it I never wanted to believe, but I had to. I had to stop thinking that we were going to be something great again.

A lot of my writing is about you. I don't think you know that, or if you would realize that. But every scene in Rep I've written, and a lot of my creative writing projects have been, in some way, about you. You inspired me to write, and whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I never will really know.

You said you wanted to stay friends. Then suddenly, you wanted to wait to be friends, and then suddenly you wouldn't even look in my direction. You were my best friend. For you to just leave me without giving me a sense of direction was...well...horrible.

When I got to school on the first day, I wanted to hang out with you, because you said that you didn't have any friends. But suddenly you had a huge group of them, and I didn't want to intrude. I wanted you to be happy...That's all I wanted.

It's still all I want.

But you lied to me. You can think what you want about me, whether it's true or not. But honestly, everything you blamed me for could be all pointed right back at you. You blamed me for so much that I can't even remember most of it, but I do have it saved on an IM conversation. You said I did all of this stuff, but in reality, so did you.

You're a hypocrite, and very two-faced, and I've waited way too long to tell you that.

And I know you'll never read this. I probably never even cross your mind. But there's a song that describes what I've been feeling since August 15, 2009. And I wanted to share it with you. And, knowing you, you'll probably critique it to death. Not that you'll ever see this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kellie Pickler - Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You

I remember the way you made love to me
Like I was all you'd ever need
Did you change your mind
Well I didn't change mine
Now here I am trying to make sense of it all
We were best friends now we don't even talk
You broke my heart
Ripped my world apart

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
Didn't you know how much I loved you

I can't get you out of my head
I still feel you in this bed
Left me all alone
You couldn't be more gone
From falling apart to fighting mad
From wanting you back to not giving a damn
I've felt it all
I've been to the wall

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
Didn't you know how much I loved you

One day justice will come and find you
And I'll be right there in your memory to remind you

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me

Didn't you know how much I loved you
Didn't you know how much I loved you, baby
I gave you everything, every part of me
Didn't you feel it when I touched you
Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby
Baby, tell me
I gave you everything, every part of me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notice: Didn't you know how much I loved you.

Loved, not love.

It feels so much better to say that.

And so, if you really wanted to be friends, I'm sorry. But friends don't do this to one another.

So farewell. Forever.

Sammy

Letter Two

Dear ___________, ___________ and ___________,

I love you guys to death. I mean, without you guys in my life, I don't know what I would do. You guys make me complete, whether you try to or not, and I love that you do. And I love that you guys are there for me no matter what, no matter what all of our stress levels are, no matter how much work we have; we're always there for each other.

I feel like I can tell you anything and everything, and I have. But the best thing is that we can do the same to each other! We can tell each other anything and everything. No matter what it is, we will talk it out, or just laugh it off.

There has never been a time when I've really fought with any of you, and there's never been huge fights between any of us, and that's really amazing. For us to be friends this long and to not have had a gigantic fight over something, even if it was stupid, as absolutely baffling. And I adore you all for helping me through everything I've been through, such as Charlie and DJ and all the other things where I've been at my lowest point, even if I did somewhat abandon you for a time. I'm happy you took me back even though I was separating myself, and I'm happy you took me back when I needed you most.

But most of all, the really shocking thing is what I've discovered: You are all a part of me. And without you, I wouldn't be able to function.

Without y'all, I'd be nothing, and I thank you for that.

Love you. Oh, and three more things:

1. Bunnies
2. Gummy Bear Boobs
3. *Achoo* "God bless you..." "I'm atheist..."

=]

Love,
Sammy