Letter Six

Dear Dylan,

So. I WAS going to put your partial letter here, but I decided against it and shredded it. I hated it. So...you get something completely new. =]

I'm not exactly sure of what to write. Everything I want to write really can't be put into words. Plus I've already tried to tell you everything I've wanted to tell you. Like that I'm really sketch and weird for writing two blog posts about you without even talking to you, and then you finding out later that I did do that because you read my blog and figured out pretty much instantly that it was you I was talking about...

Anyways, I am going to write about what I see in you because you want to hear it from me. So, here it goes:

In all honesty, I see a lot in you. And there is so much I'm not sure where to even begin.

-You are a great guy. You're the kind of guy a girl dreams about getting. Sweet, funny, polite...I mean, the list goes on.

-You are somebody I feel comfortable around. To me, I feel like I could look like I went to Hell and back 5 times in a row and you wouldn't care. I feel like I can tell you anything and everything, and you'll be there to listen to me.

-You are a great listener. Seriously.

-You're ridiculous.

-You're adorable.

-You make me feel really good about myself.

I'm not sure what else to say. I really don't. But at the same time, I feel like I'm nowhere near telling you as much as I want to.

As you know, you make me feel alive. And you make me feel beautiful when I'm around you.

That's why I'm not going to deny that when you tell me that, now.

I feel like the luckiest girl in Coronado when I'm walking with you. Whether we are just walking side by side or you have your arm around me, I feel amazing. My heart does gymnastics while I'm with you! That's crazy!

And it's ridiculous how much I like you. Seriously.

I like you so much that I'm afraid of admitting to myself how much I might possibly like you.

Ridiculous I am.

But you are too. So it's all good. =]

I'm glad I have you. I'm glad that you even talk to me. But really, what I've been trying to say pretty much this entire time is:

I think you're amazing. Absolutely amazing.

And I hope that you like being with me as much as I like being with you.

Sammy

P.S. I am crazy. I promise. =P

Letter Five

Dear Les,

I'm not going to censor your name because I don't care if anyone finds out who you are and I don't care if people know what you have been doing to my family for the past couple of years.

You are my mom's step father. You are my grandmother's husband. You have made my life a living Hell.

Congratulations. You are the hottest topic in our family's drama.

You have fucked over my family so badly that you aren't even aloud to see my brother graduate tomorrow. I can't believe you would think that people who have actually cared about you and have tried to help you are out to get you. I can't believe you actually think that we moved you and my grandmother out here just so we could get all of your money and your possessions.

You're a fucking idiot.

My grandmother (your wife) is losing her mind. Literally. She can't remember things like she used to. I haven't gotten any birthday or Christmas gifts from her or you for 3 years. 3 years. Same goes for the rest of my family. They haven't received anything from you guys; my mom had to call once to see if you guys knew what time it was.

I don't think you understand that we care about my grandmother. A lot. And you pulling the shit you have been is tearing my family to bits and pieces.

You ask my mom every time she checks on my grandmother how I'm doing. And when she asks why, you say, "Oh, well, you know how she has problems..."

Excuse me? How I have problems? I'm not the one with the fucking problems.

I love how you've chosen me as the main target of your insults. I love how you have actually noticed that every time we are in the same room, I leave instantly. Or that whenever you talk to me, I answer bluntly and quickly so I can get out of there. I'm surprised you actually noticed.

I used to like you. When I was little, I always looked forward to seeing you and my grandmother. But now things have changed. Now you look at me like I'm the devil's spawn. Now you have forgiven your son who stole tons of money out of your company to use on himself, and you no longer want to send him to jail because he is "in" the family circle, along with your other son who is running from the feds. Now you make rude remarks not just to me and my family, but to your wife.

You know, I get that you might not like my family because we aren't directly related to you. You were married before, but the love of your life died. Then you met my grandmother after her husband, my real grandfather died, and six month later you were married. You married her. I seriously question your motive for marrying her. If you loved her, you wouldn't be threatening her like you have been.

I hate you, Les. Seriously.

I can not believe you threatened to hit her. In front of us. You know how much that broke me? Do you know how scared my mother has been to let you guys live alone in that fucking trailer you bought just because you liked the carpet?

I can not believe that you think my uncle and my mom are trying to steal from you, when all we're trying to do is help my grandmother and see her in the best care possible. Not with some lazy slob who doesn't give a shit about her mental health and well being. She's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, dumb ass. And did you know she's depressed? Did you know that you are probably the reason she is depressed? Did you know that depression makes memory loss worse?

I bet you didn't.

I can not believe you actually have told your family shit about me that would never, EVER be true. You seriously think that Lucas and I have been having an incestuous relationship? You think Lucas and I are having sex with each other, just because my mom bathed us together when we were little? You seriously, honestly think that we went to Hawai'i over spring break just so that I could get and abortion? Did you even consider the fact that we went to Hawai'i with a family friend, or that my family is a die-hard Christian family, or that Lucas and I don't get along? I don't know how you even began to piece that together in your mind. Did you know that even if we did go to Hawai'i so I could get an abortion, that the only time we possibly could get it at would be one in the morning because my dad over plans everything?

No, you didn't.

If you were a real grandfather, like you should be, you would know how against abortion my family and I are.

If you were a real grandfather, you would see that Lucas and I would never ever do something as disgusting as have sex with each other.

If you were a real grandfather, you would not treat me and the rest of my family like shit.

If you were a real grandfather, maybe you would have taken the time to get to know me.

If you were a real grandfather...

If you were a real man, you would not threaten your wife.

If you were a real man, you would be mature and understand that we are trying to help.

But you're not. You are a weak human being, and you try to take it out on others.

I'm done with dealing with your shit. The next time you insult someone in my family, or threaten my grandmother, or anything of that nature and I am present, I will show you no mercy.

I don't care what happens to me.

You think it's a threat when you say, "I'll file for divorce if you don't stop harassing me..."? That isn't a threat. We WANT you two to be separated because we know that we can take better care of her than you ever have.

I want Grandmommy back to the way she was before: Happy.

And you're not letting that happen.

When I leave the house, I never want to talk to you again. And if I ever call your house to check on my grandmother, and you say that she is "indisposed" or some shit like that, I will call the police. You have no right to say who she can and can not talk to, and you have no right to not give her the phone.

I love her. I love her so much. You might not think that, you might not see that, but I do. I really truly do.

If I didn't, would I be crying right now?

No, I wouldn't.

I just want you out of my life. For good.

Sammy

So.

I haven't posted something in sooooooooooo long, it seems like.

So, here I am. Posting something, although I'm not too sure what yet.

My letters will continue, but the person I want to write to is...well...Let's just say that he...I mean...well...never mind.

For now, here is a piece I wrote a while back.

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There’s this thing about love that everyone wants; that everyone craves. Love is something indescribable, something that makes everyone happy. There are times when love brings you down, but you can always get back up. And, eventually, because of love, you’re soaring high above everyone else. You’re the happiest anyone could ever possibly be. You think it would be impossible for anyone else to love anyone or anything so much.

Love is funny because it seems to give you super powers. Whenever the person you love is near, your heart flutters like a butterfly with broken wings. There’s no way to stop it. Or whenever they’re away from you, you still seem to know where they are, as if you have some kind of radar. You just know, and you always want to be with them wherever they are. There’s always that warm, fuzzy feeling whenever they are close to you, and it doesn’t ever seem to go away. Hearing their laugh is listening to your favorite song. You memorize it, you cherish it, and you wish you could have it forever. Whenever they touch you, it’s an out of body sensation. Your skin starts to tingle and you never want them to let go of you. And with every step you take to be closer to that person, they always seem that much further away. No matter how close you get to them, there always seems to be something new about the person you want to know that you’ve never known before. That’s the beauty of it. And, yes, there is always that sense of losing them, but you don’t have to worry about that. It’s that moment, right then and there, that really matters. All you want to do is live in that moment forever.

When you’re in love, here’s my advice: Love someone who loves you more than you love them. That way, they will never want to leave you or hurt you. And because of that, you’ll always love them, no matter what. And, even though it seems impossible, make sure they feel that you love them more than they love you. Because then you both never want to leave, and you won’t. You will both always have each other forever.

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So...I don't like this piece much anymore. But I still believe what it says. I mean, even if it isn't love, and you just like someone. I feel like most of this does happen.

I don't understand people who can just throw the words "I love you" around like it's normal to say it. Because, for me, it takes a lot to say those words with the true, powerful meaning behind them.

I mean, the first time I say "I love you" to someone I've never said it to before, and I really, truly love them, I start shaking. It's almost as if those words are making me shake. It's like something is taking over my body. I don't know. It's weird.

Then again, maybe it's not.

I guess it's something people find on their own. The power of those words, I mean.

And so, I end with this:

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep at night because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss...I love that man.