"And he touched me, and I let him love me. So let that be my story..."
This is how I feel every second of the day because of what happened back in July. That's all I'll say about that for right now.
I've been thinking a lot lately. And certain thoughts have come through mind that have really concerned me. And if something I think concerns me, that just is plain weird. The thought that concerned me the most was my feelings about marriage.
Now there are certain things you need to know about me to fully understand this.
1. I've been planning my wedding, in detail, since eighth grade.
2. I've even got how I want to proposed to laid out. In detail.
2. I watch "Say Yes to the Dress" like it's a soap opera.
3. I have a commitment issue, but I have always felt I can not wait to get married.
4. I've always just wanted to know who I was going to be with for the rest of my life.
What I realized is this:
I am more afraid of getting married than not getting married at all.
This does not make any sense. Especially if you know me and talk to me a lot. My wedding is one of the many things I talk about constantly. And yet I'm afraid of it happening.
I don't know what to make of this. It leaves me absolutely clueless about myself, and makes me question my feelings about many things. Like now I'm questioning everything I've wanted to do for a while.
And I haven't been having the best of times lately, so I haven't exactly been in good moods, either. I apologize to anyone I've recently been kind of bitchy to. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I wish I knew...I've just no been myself recently. And that really brings me down.
Military Ball tomorrow night. Hopefully that will help take my mind off of things for a bit.
Farewell, my friends. For now, anyway.
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