<(")

"Are you going to tell me?"

I hid my face behind my hair and hands and smiled. How could he not know?

"I can't. You don't understand."

"What are you afraid of?"

"A lot of things. The world exploding. You running away from me. You..."

I couldn't even finish my thought. I just kept walking beside him, holding what seemed like the biggest secret in my heart. I didn't have the courage to tell him.

I kept thinking about how I felt the other night when I was thinking about how I would tell him. If I acted like that when he wasn't even there, how could I possibly say it without my universe exploding?

He pulled me to a set of steps and said, "I'm not leaving this spot until you tell me."

I laughed and sat next to him. "Then we're going to be here for a very long time. I hope you know that."

He sighed and pulled me into his arms. I made a point of not looking at him and hiding more. He whispered, "Why would I run away?"

I wanted to tell him exactly what I was thinking: Most people would.

My heart kept racing faster and faster as the words danced on the tip of my tongue. I started shaking and blushing. I kept saying things like "I can't" or "Why do you want to know?". But I knew I had to tell him. Eventually he would find out anyway.

I hadn't said it out loud before. I hadn't even tried to, really.

"Please Sammy? I'll let you tickle me! That's how much I want to know."

I laughed. I laughed to cover up what I was really feeling.

He then took off his glasses and started talking in a nasal librarian voice. I laughed and put my arms around him while saying, "You are such a dork!"

"And you love me for it?"

Silence.

Completely dead silence for what seemed like an eternity.

"...Maybe?"

He chuckled and looked at me. His eyes were willing me to say it. I took a deep breath and started to try to form the words in my mouth.

"Dylan, I can't. I can't say it."

"Why not?"

"Because if I say it, it's real. Not just some thought that happens to be on my mind all the time. I'm afraid of those words."

He slid an arm around me and kissed me. "There's nothing to worry about. Come on, darlin' We gotta go."

We got up to leave, walking side by side. It was silent until I said, "I'm sorry. I really can't say it."

"I was going to wait for you to say it, but I guess I will. To try and make it easier for you. I love you."

An electric current of warmth starting at my heart went through me. I could feel it all the way to the tips of my fingers. I went weak in the knees.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I do."

It was silent. Then I said, "You know what? I just need to fucking breathe, form the words in my mouth and say it."

I kept breathing, keeping track of the rhythm of my heart. Suddenly, without warning, I said it.

"I love you."

He stopped walking and turned to face me, pulling me into him. I buried my face in his chest, not believing that I had just said it.

I walked him home, holding his hand and smiling the entire way there. When I had to go, I walked home feeling like this great weight had been lifted off of me, and that I could relax once again.

I didn't stop smiling the entire night.

I haven't stopped smiling since then.