Like/Love...

I've been turning this over in my mind for a couple of months, now. And apparently it's obvious that I don't know what to think...Well, it's obvious to me, anyway.

I don't think I ever want to be in love again...

And as much as I think this, my heart, as usual, got in the way of my logical thoughts. And recently, I heard a song by Creed called Rain. It made me think about my life a little more, so I'm going to try and connect it to my life here.

"Can you help me out? Can you lend me a hand? It's safe to say that I'm stuck again..."

This is pretty self explanatory. I feel stuck at where I am, like I'm never going to progress. The only way out that I can see right now is for something to come into my life and help me out of the rut I happen to find myself stuck in right now...Telling him how I feel or to not tell him until I am sure how he feels. My heart says I should tell, my mind says I shouldn't...

"Trapped between this life and the light, I just can't figure out how to make it right..."

I'm not sure how to even tell him, if that's what I decide to do. I don't even know if he'll return my feeligs. But if I take the chance, I might find he has feelings for me as well. I would also feel better. If I told him; I physically feel sick sometimes because it hurts so bad. But I'm also risking getting hurt by telling him. If he doesn't feel the same way, or if he doesn't even think of me the way I think of him, how would ever be able to talk to him still?

" A thousand times before I've wondered if there's something more, something more..."

I've though about how I've felt about him for a few months now. I honestly have thought, "Do I like him? Or is it just me wanting to be a close friend of his?" I've thought about it extensively. And, unfortunately for me, I find myself completely in love again for the third time in my life. I simply did not want this, but it happened. I wish I could convince myself otherwise, but with the amount of time I've been thinking this, there's no other explanation for my feelings towards him...It has to be love.

*Chorus*
"I feel it's gonna rain like this for days, so let it rain down and wash everything away. I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine; with every tomorrow comes another life. I feel it's gonna rain, for days and days, I feel it's gonna rain..."

I'm hoping that somehow I will be able to not necessarily forget, but to somehow wash away everything that has happened to me while I've been in love before. I want to...or NEED to...find a way to get passed this...I need to get over this mountain that I've found I call DJ. And hopefully, when I'm over that, I'll be so much happier.

"I tried to figure out, I can understand what it means to live on again..."

Once again, I need to really move on from DJ. It's just a matter of knowing how or trying to find why I still feel this way.

"Trapped inside the truth and the consequence, nothing's real, nothing's making sense..."

I'm trapped between my true feelings and what could possibly happen if I tell _________ how I feel about him. I don't want to lose our friendship, and I don't want things to get awkward between us, but at the same time my feelings for him are so strong I don't know how much longer I can keep them hidden from him...

"A thousand times before, I've wondered if there's something more, something more...I feel it's gonna rain like this for days, so let it rain down and wash everything away. I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine. I feel it's gonna rain like this, rain like this, rain like this!"

"Fall down, wash away my yesterdays. Fall down, so let the rain fall down on me..."

I just want all my confusion and complication to go away somehow. I want to know what I can do just to get it out of my life, presently. And I'm not sure whether that means I should or should not tell him hoe I feel...

"A thousand times before, I've wondered if there's something more, something more...I feel it's gonna rain like this for days, so let it rain down and wash everything away. I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine. I feel it's gonna rain like this, rain like this, rain like this...I feel it's gonna rain like this, rain like this, rain like this..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k3jxi4JhXA ; Just in case you haven't heard the song.

I just hope I get over all of this confusion soon...I'm sure y'all do too.

I really wish I wasn't in love again...This means more pain for me in the long run...