Tears

I got out of CoSA right on time today...for once.

But I really wish I hadn't, because of what I saw when I walked home.

I should have taken Alicia's offer and gotten a ride with her. But no, I just had to have some thinking time to myself. And of course that didn't happen.

After saying hi and hugging a few friends of mine, I noticed him up ahead, walking with her. Just walking, nothing more. Not even holding hands. They were walking and talking and laughing and having a good time. She lives only half of a block away from me; he chose the one person I would most likely see him with all of the time. They crossed the street, they opened her gate, and walked inside her yard. She went up to her door, and I assume it was locked because she turned right around and went through the back way, him following behind her.

I didn't want to believe what I saw. I didn't want to believe he was happy without me. He's made that clear already, but I wish I didn't have to see that every day of my life. He doesn't know I miss him; he doesn't know I still exist.

I wanted to run to him and ask him what exactly made him stop loving me. I wanted to ask why; I wanted to ask when.

I really need to know...

I ran the rest of the way home and ran up the stairs to my room. I slammed the door behind me and threw my backpack onto the floor, face-planting into my pillow in the process. On my bed, I waited for the tears to come. And, not being a minute too late, they came.

I wanted to cry myself into a coma, never feel this pain again. I didn't realize I still...felt this strongly about him. I thought I was done with crying, but obviously I wasn't.

I wish I knew what to do; I wish I knew how to stop this feeling from coming every time I see him.

I wish it wasn't like this.

I waited for sleep to come, but it never did.

So I laid there and waited in misery for the life I once had to never come again.